Tiny Little Fractures

I was reading this article about one of my favourite rugby teams and their preperations for the upcoming World Cup and I must say I was struck by the odd choice of photographs included in it. I’m wondering if anyone shares the sense that whoever chose the pictures probably doesn’t like Wales too much, observe:

A charming portrait of the captain, Gareth Thomas. He looks like Vol…I mean He-who-must-not-be-named..here. I refuse to believe there is not another picture in existence where he looks better than this.

The coach Gareth Jenkins flipping the bird. Surely the person who chose this image must have noticed the rude gesture!

Anyone else think this is weird?

There was one player and only one player that kept the teams apart, Gilchrist (and not Ponting as mentioned previously, thanks Sittingnut for the spot, my brain was completely fried at that moment) and what an innings he played. He won the match in the space of three balls and those three balls were right after Dilhara grassed what would have been a phenomenal return catch. Gilchrist won the mental tussle with Dilhara by attacking him for two fours and a six instead of playing safe to his near miss. I don’t think our bowlers really ever recovered from that pivotal moment. It really is those small moments in a game that make or break the result. Australia played power cricket to the ultimate and they were truly worthy champions, toss and condition advantages notwithstanding. 

In the end our boys have nothing to be ashamed about, led by a young captain with what is in reality a polarized team in terms of age and experience, Sri Lanka played an honourable game. They captured the hearts and imaginations of fans everywhere and they were simply magic. I see great things for this team in the future if we can replace Vaas and Sanath. Murali in my opinion isn’t as key to the success of our one day team as he is to our test team but the other two will be hard shoes to fill. More maturity, more experience and a strengthening of nerves and Sri Lanka will be a force to be reckoned with in the next decade. I can only salute what Mahela and the boys did, I just wish Murali, Vaas and Sanath had better swansongs, but then they already have been part of a Cup-winning squad.

Watching the match was a tiring experience. For one thing getting up at 6am on a Saturday was probably one of my least favourite things to do. And beers at same said time are never a good idea either. That said the company was good, N and some other chaps one of whom turned out to be related to me (seems to happen to me everywhere I go) and a girl to flirt, which made the experience fun (oh yeah I still have no mojo). A couple of byte Aussies at the pub also helped though in the end they were good sports (unlike a few others present). I also happened to get talking to a couple of Englishmen, one of whom looked oddly familiar. It was on the drive back that it struck me why…I had inadvertently had a chat with a B-List star those of us who grew up in Sri Lanka in the 90’s will remember all too well, Clive Robertson. Remember him? Sunset Beach? He was a Sri Lankan fan…but oh so random. The food left a bit to be desired at the Springbok bar, the sausages for breakfast and lunch looked like something that a rhino turded out but on the plus side it was cheap. My whole bill with a fair amount of booze and two meals came to around $30.00, which isn’t too shabby at all.

Of course what really left a bitter taste and killed all my interest in the cricket was the text from R about “attacks in Colombo.” Nothing really surprises me with the Tigers anymore but this was the moral equivalent of the Tet offensive. N left and the only reason I really hung around was because F pointed out I wouldn’t achieve anything by leaving and I thought I might try (unsuccesfuly) flirt a bit more and help my headache along with a few more beers. The dearth of information was scary as well and the fact my new phone (since the Schizo Shitzu ingested my old one) didn’t have any numbers on it made getting in touch with home tough, but thankfully I remembered Bounty’s number off the top of my head and managed to ascertain his and the family’s well-being. 

All in all a disconcerting, depressing day. This World Cup has left a lot to be desired, lets hope the next one in the subcontinent will be a better one!

Jayantha Dharmadasa, Upali Dharmadasa, Thilan Sumathipala and all those other clowns who have in charge of Sri Lankan cricket for the last ten years. This wonderful article on the fallout of the Cricket World Cup had the priceless paragraph

“Walking into the most exciting job in world cricket. There is a lovely balance between the old legs and new ones, the captain himself is beautifully poised in between and the team appears on the verge of big things. The board, though, is as crazy as they come in the subcontinent.” (bold mine)

Now isn’t that the truth. Very funny though.

P.S. there have been a few decent people like Sidath Wettimuny but they have been few and far between. It’s a wonder our team is so good with such nutters in charge.

So Shane Bond didn’t play against Australia, apparently he developed a ‘stomach flu’ at the last minute. Neither did Jacob Oram who had problems with his ‘heel’ but of course the latter will be ‘fully fit’ for the semi final. And I’m willing to bet my left nut Shane Bond will be too. Where are the agonized screams of match fixing? Just another good ol’ day of double standards in the world of cricket.

P.S. Read this article by Kumar Sangakkara, excellent that we have such and eloquent writer in our team when even people like Ranatunge are letting us down and talking crap.

Waaaaaaa…..

Hmm…so Australia beat us. And somehow the world seems to think that we have brought the game into disrepute. Yeah sure we don’t go around calling people ‘black cunts’ or moan like babies at any given opportunity but somehow resting our key bowlers is a controversy. Let’s look at the facts shall we? How old are Murali and Vaas, they are veterans both in their late thirties. Murali was hobbling a bit in the game against England, why risk both of them in what is in the end a pointless match? It may have been important to the Aussies, as we were probably the first decent team apart from maybe the Saffers they have played in the tournament so far. I think Mahela’s move to rest the bowling attack was a good one; we really had nothing to lose. If we won, hell we won with a half arsed attack, if we lost….well we lost because of a half arsed attack.

Of course that our batting messed up is an issue and a glaring one. What gives me some comfort is the intelligent game that Chamara and Mahela played. From cricinfo it seemed very much an Aravinda/Arjuna type innings. Anyone remember those? When they came into the middle after the top order had fallen and just chipped away, almost nonchalantly building a respectable total or chasing one down. They were so clinical I remember falling asleep at Khetta, they were so effective at chasing down targets. For me to sleep at a cricket match is one thing, but to fall asleep when 16 and accompanied by hot 19 year old Vishakhians was an achievement by itself…amuses me now that I used to think of R and H akki in those terms…hormones! Anyways digression about hot Vishakhians aside (as rare as they are) we really need Mahela, Chamara and Kumar to start playing that ‘brand’ of cricket. Let Sanath go for the big hits, but his success/failure shouldn’t dictate the score.

At the end of the day it was a bit of a mind game and a bit of conservatism, Australia may be crying as usual but then that’s to be expected. They always whinge, just read the tone of this article in response to some comments by Ranatunge. Of course they have no hesitation with playing their own mind games. Apparently Justin Langer has a direct connection to Tom Moody’s brain despite reports to the contrary. Of course this wasn’t mind games at all. I personally detest the Australian cricket team, they are to cricket what the USA is to the Olympics, the end result of a little talent and a lot of money. Countries like Sri Lanka, Bangladesh have always been more ‘naturally’ talented but with the lack of discipline brought about by the intense training approaches that money can buy the Australians will always lack consistency, until at least they are extremely experienced. Their tendency to whine about the slightest thing that makes other teams better is also annoying, they of course can go ahead and bowl underarm if they see fit. The greatest reason I despise them is of course what they tried to do to Murali and the continued treatment he receives there. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see our boys beat the Aussies, I hope when/if we play them in the final each and every one will be thinking “Remember Murali!”

  upbeat

So Inzy has been banned for four games for bringing the game into ‘disrepute’ while being cleared of the ball-tampering charges. Fair enough I think, but he should wear the ban as a badge of honour. He stood up against the system, the institutionalized double standards and favoritism that have historically been such a part of cricket and which is still far too prevalent in the game and there’s a price to pay. There is nothing wrong with facing a bit of jail/probation time for breaking a few rules to highlight an injustice*.  It seems that the PCB is looking into bringing charges of disrepute against Hair; I think this should not be considered so much as being pursued with the eagerness with which Bush is going after Middle East oil. After all it was Hair’s poor decision making, heavy handedness, inability/unwillingness to communicate clearly (boy this list is long isn’t it?) that lead to the sorry state of affairs right now.

  Can’t admit he made a mistake

Despite Hair’s assertion that he is “bloody good” consider his record and that’s a bit laughable. Some people seem to think that just because he made stern, unpopular decisions and stood by them regardless that he is some kind of super umpire. That’s like saying Bush is a bloody good president because of his inflexibility in admitting he made a mistake invading Iraq. Somewhere along the line, changing one’s mind due to evidence became hypocrisy while standing by your word even if blatantly wrong and injurious became honourable. That’s a load of bullshit to me and Hair should be charged, he accused the Pakistani team without any evidence whatsoever of cheating, he took unilateral action and acted outside basic cricketing norms (if not the rules per se). If what he achieved with his actions is not bringing the game into disrepute then the only way I can see anyone being charged in the future of disrepute is if they disrobe in the middle of the pitch and do unmentionable thing with the stumps when faced with a bad decision. The acquitting of Inzy should be far from the end of this saga, Hair should be brought to justice, else the double standards will have prevailed once again.

Cricinfo also has an interesting article on Ranjan Madugalle, who seems to be the match referee for every match ever played and probably has enough frequent flier miles to fly to Pluto and back. I was quite interested by one statement in the article, 

“When Madugalle was made chief of match referees, Asian countries made the same mistake the ICC did. They assumed that because he was Asian, and understood the situation on the ground better than someone from Australia or England might, he would be sympathetic. The truth was the opposite. In his aim to not just be fair, but seen to be fair, Madugalle was harder on subcontinental players than others. In India he made many enemies during the tour of Australia in 1999-2000, when his decisions were harsh on the Indians, and relatively light on the Aussies.”

Hmmm….I honestly cannot remember that tour or what happened, if it is the case that the punishments were lighter on the Aussies then I think Ranjan made a serious error in judgement, pandering to the Aussies simply because he was new and South Asian (the South Asian countries made a mistake expecting leniency as well.)Of course that’s just my opinion and has to be balanced with the fact that I obviously wasn’t privy to how secure Ranjan was with his position. Who knows if he had taken a stand then his career might have met a sticky end. I still think he made a mistake, but you know can’t judge him without all the information. And from all accounts he’s pretty fair now, lets hope he presides over Hair’s hearing.

* There is a line to be drawn though, even if it is in the sand. Blowing innocent people up to highlight injustices is taking things a bit far in my view. That might seem like an unnecessary caveat but considering the blogosphere being what it is it’s an important one to make.

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, I remember reading this article with a sense of disbelief and incredulity. Surely the big man jests, blithely stating ‘Yes, I am down to umpire in the Champions Trophy and I expect to fulfill that appointment.’ Imagine the arrogance in thinking one can get away with accusing teams without basis (in my humble opinion) of breaking the rules, acting outside of cricketing law and effectively blackmailing the ICC. The Aussie apologists of course are backing big Darrell all the way, ‘If he’s one of the best umpires in international cricket then of course he should be umpiring..’ so says that paragon of fair play Ponting. That’s a big fucking IF there old boy.

   One good decision…

  ..leads to another

Imagine if Assad Rauf or Aleem Dar did something similar to this, accusing say the English team of tampering to produce a ‘swinging’ victory in the Ashes, changing balls in the middle of a game that Australia was winning and trying to extort money in response for silence from the ICC. I’ll bet you my right ball that pretty much the whole of Australia’s and England’s cricketing fraternity would be baying for their blood, for them to be hung, drawn, quartered and then forced to watch Warne’s whale sex action tape (google it if you don’t know what I’m on about) as punishment. Any umpire from the Asian subcontinent if they did anything similar would probably be roundly reamed by the Aussies and would not be able to play even one bump cricket on the street.

I’m glad the Indian board has woken up and told Hair to bugger off and hopefully this will sound the death knell for his career. Given Hair’s history and blatant lying that he follows all the rules of cricket (ergo his inability to accept the ruling that Murali doesn’t throw), he is the one that should have the book thrown at him (preferably all the Brittanica volumes if I had my way) and charged with bringing the game into disrepute. I hope Hair gets buggered off the panel and not allowed to umpire anymore while the Pakistanis get absolved of tampering, Ranjan over to you….

From Cricinfo, “Pictures from Sky Sports appeared to show Akhtar flicking his thumb at the ball as he walked back to his mark,”…um…so? Who gives a fuck?! I’ve seen players flick the ball a thousand times when walking up to their marks, presumably to get grass dirt off.  Apparently that is “still illegal as only the umpire can do so.” Please do watch the video below and tell me what you see. If he did something like this repeatedly then fine, there probably was something dodgy going on, but only once? Give me a fucking break, as I said before it happens every time an international match is played, I guess the skin colour is what makes it questionable or illegal.

That this matter even received attention is ridiculous. I mean look at what Nasser Hussain said, “I can’t believe that he would be so stupid.” It’s the bloody WASPS who commentate who are being idiots. What is it about British and Australian teams that make them unable to accept defeat? Something always crops up when they lose or going through bad patches, ball tampering is the obvious example. I believe Atherton in frustration requested the 15-over rule to be changed after we walloped them in the ’96 quarters(though I’m not entirely sure about that). And it’s not limited to the sport of cricket, hockey once dominated by countries like India and Pakistan has now largely become dominated by rich countries after synthetic surfaces were introduced. A change that took hockey away from the majority of those who enjoyed it and gave it to those who can afford it and allowed the rich majority to become the “best in the world.”

What the South Asian bloc should do if these double standards continue is a difficult question. We can walk out of the ICC and bring it tumbling down. After all we have greater purchasing power and clout than Australia, England and NZ combined. Africa is largely powerless with only South Africa being a country of any significance. We walk out and everything falls down, the white countries will play with each other and the browns with each other. The West Indies will probably just disappear as a cricketing country while South Africa will probably stick with the white countries due to “security concerns.” The sad thing is if we do split along those lines, as a friend pointed out the Aussies, Kiwis and the English will probably be pretty happy playing themselves endlessly and competing to be the ‘best.’ The alternative is we put up with it and keep trying to change the system step by step. When I’m pissed I prefer the former, when I’m calm I prefer the latter, well somewhat.

The most obvious case of this recently was the eagerness of South Africa’s players to play in England despite terror threats which was of course in sharp contrast to the hastiness with which they left Sri Lanka, no doubt leaving a smelly trail of pee from Cinnamon Grand to Katunayake. The other two interesting cases of double standards that I came across in my rather obsessive reading of Cricinfo is the issue of ball tampering and countries influencing the choice of umpires.

The ball tampering issue at the center of the current turmoil has an interesting historical context. Though it apparently has been going on for decades it only reached prominence when the legendary Pakistani bowlers Wakar, Wasim and Imran started reverse swinging the ball and getting shit loads of wickets back in the early nineties. I wonder if the Australian or English teams managed to do this with the same proficiency whether there would have been a similar uproar. After all look at the issue of sledging, its most proficient practitioners are the Australians, yet has it been as serious an issue as ball tampering?

The case of countries influencing the choice of umpires though is the most obviously laughable example of double standards at the moment. The ICC talks tough and the Aussies and Brits chime in with enthusiasm in condemning the Pakistan’s attempts to ensure Darrel Hair doesn’t officiate in any Pakistani games. The vitriol is loud and shrill in this case, but the silence is deafening when Cricket Australia proposes waiving the practice of having neutral umpires officiate for the Ashes. Their excuse is that the “best” umpires in the world are Australian and English, a laughable claim. The ICC elite umpires and their countries of origin are shown below.

Aleem Dar - Jhang, Pakistan

Asad Rauf – Lahore, Pakistan

Mark Benson - Shoreham-by-Sea, England

Brent Bowden – Auckland, New Zealand 

Steve Bucknor - Montego Bay, St James, Jamaica

Billy Doctrove - Marigot, Dominica 

Darrell Hair – Mudgee, Australia

Daryl Harper – Adelaide, Australia 

Rudi Koertzen – Knysna, South Africa

Simon Taufel – apparently somewhere in Australia
 

Now I’m no statistics expert but it looks to me like 6 out of the 10 ‘elite’ umpires are NOT Australian or English, in fact only one of them is English. Three are in fact Australian which is a bit odd, considering the Ashes is being held in Australia this year. 

At the end of the day the two scenarios, one with Pakistan not wanting Hair to officiate in their matches and the other with Australia wanting Australian/British umpires for the Ashes are the same packages with different wrapping. Both are countries trying to influence umpire choices, yet one is met with a slap on the wrist while the other is met nary a protest.The Australian and British media can pontificate until they are blue in the face, it is painfully obvious to anyone with any common sense that racism, prejudice and double standards are all too common in cricket.

Trinidad here we come! Well…not yet actually. True we did get our match tickets allocated last night which means we have tickets to the Sri Lanka vs. India and Sri Lanka vs. Bangladesh matches in Trinidad. This means we at least get guaranteed one victory (well touch wood on that one, in fact I think I’m going to fondle a couple of tree trunks on the way home just to be safe) and one (hopefully) exciting game unless of course Darrel Hair comes along and tells the brownies to get back to tending the fields.

There is this small matter of sorting out flights, which is a tad bit of a problem considering I’m not only broke but considerably in the red. The fact that my damn laptop considered to kick it and I had to buy a new one doesn’t help much either. Fujitsu is just crap when it comes to repairs and reliability, the bastards want me to mail the laptop in and on top of that charge me a $175 ‘diagnostic fee.’ Yeah sure, fuck that, ended up going and buying a Toshiba which are like rocks compared to Fujitsu. In case you missed my point, don’t buyFujitsu!

I’m hoping for two things now, one a sub $1000 ticket to Trinidad and that the trip will make up for missing Sri Lanka in December. Considering I have some very fun loving friends in Trini, I don’t have to spend on accommodation (which makes my inner miser very happy), mix in copious amounts of rum, cute brown girls (as has been evidenced by my Trinidadian friends) and cricket, March 2007 should (touch wood again here) be quite entertaining.

"We would be delighted to go, we’d jump at the chance," – So says Mickey Arthur the coach of the South African cricket team, as they were very “frustrated at what happened in Sri Lanka.”

The current terror alert status in the UK is SEVERE. This means that though the terror level has been downgraded from CRITICAL a terror attack is still “highly likely.”

Hmmm…do I hear echoes of ‘double standards’ and ‘hypocrisy’ in the wind? Or maybe Mark Boucher’s been taking cues from Dubya with his “bring them on” cry.

Bring ‘em on!! 

Yeah, bring it! 

“Allez les bleus!”

“Forza Italia!”

Yes I’m fickle, but then that’s the advantage of watching sports that your country doesn’t participate in (well in any meaningful manner that is). The initial non-event penalty pissed me off to the point where I switched from a French supporter to an Italian one. After italy scored again I kinda kicked around on the fence cheering on all the plays and bemoaning the near misses, especially Zidane’s last gasp header and Toni’s off-side goal.

But fuck me senseless if Zidane’s headbut doesn’t rank up there as one of stupidest thing I have ever seen in my life. As a retiring player whose swansong was a world cup final driving his Gaelic head into Materazzi’s chest was inexcusable even if the latter had said something along the lines of “I’m so fat because everytime I fuck your mother she feeds me a biscuit.” If you have no idea what I’m on about check it out here.

It must have been an incredibly lonely walk for him out of the stadium and out of football when the alternative could have been blinding glory. All credit to the Italians though and witnessing their high on winning the cup was heartening and they were incredibly hilarious on the podium doing only what can be described as fondling the cup. A bittersweet end to the World Cup for sure, more sweet if one is Cannavaro and more bitter if one is Trezeguet.

More on the subject of unsportsmanlike behaviour was brought up when the subject of the Tri-Nations came up. Checking the BBC Sports webpage I came across a funny story about Jerry Collins taking a whiz on the pitch before a game. In the midst of laughuing about this PKS inquired as to whether we had heard about the player who got kicked out of rugby for sticking his fingers up players’ arses in matches…

Silence ensues…and the god of Google is invoked. What turns up is a website titled “Proctological Rugby” describing how Australian Rugby League international John Hopoate was suspended for twelve weeks for “unsportsmanlike interference” which was what was used to describe his misdemenaour of sticking his finger up three player’s arses during a game in 2001. The methodology employed by this medically inclined rugby player is illustrated below.

So mate do you pee two  or three times a night? incontinence? dribble after you urinate? …No? Let me make sure anyways, this might sting a bit!

Now I’ve heard of wedgies, biting, hitting in the scrum, etc being employed in rugby, in fact one of my most vivid memories of my brief rugby career for school was during a maul when I saw with blinding clarity and terror a disembodied hand reach up from between my legs and encase my nads in an iron grip. My immediate reactions were to release the ball and swing my elbows are hard as possible hoping to hit the offending person as hard as possible. In that vein I’m quite surprised that Hopoate escaped that game without serious injury. If I felt a burning sensation in my rear end during a rugby match and looked down to see someone attempting to check my prostrate my reaction would not be a pacifist one.

My favourite quote from the article: "If I held your leg, would that give you the right to put your finger up my arse?"