Tiny Little Fractures

The dumbest statement of the decade 

I saw a rather disturbing thing while on the treadmill at my local gym today. And no it wasn’t the hideously overweight thing that waddles across the floor at 6.30 every day. Someone so fat I still haven’t figured out whether it is female or male, as to how one eats oneself to the point of asexuality I don’t know. No the rather disturbing thing I saw was on the TV screen in front of me, where the figures flashed on CNN showing the projected cost of the Iraq and Afghan war for the next 10 years, a rather jaw dropping 14 trillion dollars.

An impressive figure but one of those that is really in the end too large to comprehend but then CNN did something very smart (I know I was surprised myself). They broke it down, that’s $8,000 per person over the next 10 years. I was so surprised my knee buckled and almost ended up face first on the person next to me. Giving the girl a rather weak smile I straightened by knee with a quick blow to its back and went back to running and tried to slowly absorb this figure. 

Now that’s a fair fucking amount of money and of course it being a true democracy out here when there are costs for such a thing like a war both the rich and the poor (and of course the middle class) will probably pay equally for it. To be honest I don’t want to pay. I mean the Afghan war maybe. After all those Islamasists (as one person I know who despite being nice is rather stupid refers to them as) flew planes into those towers and killed some 3,000 people. Fine, I mean most of the nutcases were Saudi but apparently they were being kept in bed and breakfast by those turbaned nutters the Taleban. So smoke them out, that I can understand.

Of course 6 years after the event apparently Bin Laden is still waltzing around with his dialysis machine and is nowhere being closer to being caught than when he was being groomed by the CIA to fight the Russians. Then we get Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with September 11, a country that was pretty much secular that was invaded on the pretext of a preemptive strike in the ‘war against terror’ by a president who cheated his way into the White House. Riiight…so Saddam (who is..er..was..I will endorse a complete wanker) was captured, executed, no weapons of mass destruction were found and a bollocking shit storm was ignited in the newly liberated land. 

What was really funny was how within a few months of the invasion and it was painfully obvious no weapons of mass destruction to be found, suddenly the nitwit who leads the land of the free was bleating the line of ‘saving the Iraqi people.’ Of course while they are busy saving them they haven’t even bothered keeping count of how many have lost their lives. I mean that’s a bit strange, you go into ‘save’ some people and don’t bother keeping count of how many have died since you ‘saved’ them.

Anyways I could go on ad naseum about how stupid all this is, how those people who lost their lives back in 2001 have still not seen justice, how the old white men have fooled the American people and made a bundle of money but then I’d be here all day. The bottom line is I don’t want to pay, I have better things to spend my money on than paying Blackwater to knock off Iraqi civilians. And my solution is rather simple. Get the triumvirate of fools who started this mess, George, Cheney and Rumsfield pay around 80% of their wealth. I think that would be fair. I don’t know about Rumsfeld but Cheney seems to rake in a fair amount of dough and George is rolling in it. 

So you three wankers, put your bloody money where your mouth is, pay up!

One of the most overwhelming feelings that I used to experience when sitting through the classes that compromised my Masters in Environmental Technology was that of hopelessness. The statistics were just too depressing, the levels of pollution, poverty, extinctions, CO2 increases and the policy inadequacies and political idiocies that were making change a slow painful process when any progress is made that is. The naïve ideas that I grew up with reading Gerald Durrell that conservation and protecting the environment was all about breeding species, fencing off protected habitats were quickly lost. The reality is environmental protection is as much about people as it is about animals and plants.

This was really brought home to me during a couple of research stints in Agrapatana and in Moneragala, where the forest ‘reserves’ are ridiculously disturbed. The thing is you can’t really stop it, how do you tell a villager that she cannot use wood from the forest to boil water for her child? And for what, an obscure concept of biodiversity dear to people who already have all they need to survive and more. The only way to really protect the environment is lift people out of poverty, give them alternatives to chopping firewood, lives that are more than just about survival. Entrepreneurs, both the regular kind and social ones have as much to do in the battle for saving the life systems that support us as do conservation biologists. 

But this is where I lose hope. I’ve worked for a non-profit in the US but was a bit disturbed by the general attitude I found, a lack of understanding in the ground realities in the developing world. The people were admirable but showed hostility towards things such as outsourcing that I found hard to stomach as for me, activities like outsourcing are about giving people chances. A way up in the world letting poverty go, a way for countries to get less reliant on their natural resources. Of course raising people out of poverty is a double-edged sword, the more affluent they become the more they consume, the more pressure they put on the ‘system’ so to speak. Whether a balance will be found and more sustainable ways to provide for the billions who live on the bottom of the pyramid is an answer that will probably only be evident in hindsight.

Another reason that I lose hope is the lack of inclusiveness in the environmental movement. Everywhere I look there is a lack of cooperation, a lack of understanding of an alternate view. It’s the developers vs. the hikers, NGO’s vs. governments, governments vs. the common people, etc, etc. As usual everyone is looking out for their own interests and the messages get lost in the confusion. Of course there are exceptions, but they’re frightfully rare. 

Where do I see my part in all this? I started out as a kid wanting to save species at all costs, heal the environment and all that good stuff. I have lost hope in that in my opinion the battle is already lost. We will lose a lot of species in the coming decades, maybe even suffer an environmental catastrophe, one that is probably necessary before humanity will change the way it conducts its business that will cause a lot of people to lose their lives. Whether humanity will survive or go the way of the Mayans is to me a dicey question. I know I sound pessimistic, but it’s better to face the truth than bury your head in the sand. For one thing just because the fight is lost doesn’t mean there is nothing left to save.

I for one want to keep fighting.

Whoever said life is weird wasn’t kidding. Work’s currently bollockingly hard, I mean ulcers, stomach churning hard. But the weird thing is I like it, I like getting those billables  out (heck I even made it to the top three in the company in my fourth month) and I like learning about buildings and land use policy and geology and the other myriad of things I have to learn and apply to get my projects through. The life of a consultant is full of stress, but at least for the next couple of years should be interesting.

On a personal level life has taken an upshot as well. For one thing the photography is getting more and more interesting. What was an inkling of a fascination has turned into a full blown obsession. All I seem to think about now is aperture, f-stops, composition and the other bewilderments that play a part in trying to capture that perfect image, you know the one ‘where the whole world holds its breath.’

I’ve also rather encouragingly met a couple of buggers who are fun to hang out with, real chilled out island boys. The type that can drink, joke and take a joke (unlike these pesky, tootsie Yanks).  I still miss my boys, R and his jokerness, which is probably only matched by me, CP who is getting married and will be going down that road of housewifery, Evil, Bounty and PV. Not to mention the girl, who seems to be intent on mentioning coming down to SL every time I’m in touch with her. The lack of communication is more a survival mechanism for me than anything else. The fact that I really don’t have time to text at random hours, etc does in a way help my cause. My take on that is blind faith, if it’s meant to be circumstances and timing will make it happen. If not, well that’s just the way things were meant to be. 

Where my enjoyment really hits a clunker is with the family, speaking to the grandparents is something I try to avoid as well. Again that self preservation instinct kicks in, it’s just too tough to hear that they miss me, especially considering the fact they are old now and I don’t know when I’ll be home again. That I’m thousands of miles from the only family I’ve ever been close to, really close is something I try not to think about, just for the sake of my sanity. The plus point is that my relationship with the sibling is a lot better, which considering the growing pains we had a few years ago is nice.

That’s the trick actually. Everything has a plus point. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t have to trick myself to be happy, I actually am. Life’s active, fun, I managed to somehow download the new Band of Horses album, there’s plenty of pictures to take, sites to see and friends to drink with. Yet at the same time I miss the grandparents trying to tell me how to live my life, R’s brotherhood,va certain pair of smouldering eyes and the looking glass light of home.

I guess this is what bittersweet is.

Politicians eating out (from here)

That’s what I think every time I read about the grinning fool and his idiot brigade of 200 munchkins wandering around China, New York and LA wasting our money, or when I read about how the nitwit with anger management problems is waltzing around Colombo in fine Italian sports cars.

Of course as it turns out its not only the Lankan government that feels like the public’s money is there to fiddle away with whenever they feel like it. It turns out the US Feds are just as bad, wasting a spectacular $146 million (that’s a gadjillion, trillion rupees at tomorrow’s exchange rate as I predict it) on premium business class travel. This is where my 30% Fed tax goes!!? Fucking business class tickets for a bunch of nonces? To think I’ve started to despise local governments (after dealing with them day in and out) now I despise the Feds as well. I have to save up for yonks for this beauty of a lens so some prick at the Pentagon can get champagne on his flight!

Fucking wankers.

I’ve come across some interesting posts and reactions to posts recently that really got my wheels clinking on the subject of Sri Lanka as a failed state and how we would be so much better if we were still a colonized country. This theory of course ties into the view that we are a ‘failed’ state. I personally do not buy into either theory. This is not to say that there is a lot and I mean a lot wrong with the country, evidenced by the fact that I am currently not living there (again that has its reasons which I will elaborate on later). 

To me the view that if we were colonized that things would be better is a form of running away. It is the old adage that ‘someone else’ can take care of our problems for us. What these people fail to appreciate is that democracy and a mature country is not something that comes up overnight. The British were very good at producing infrastructure; they left us with a network of roads, railways, national industries that were once amazing. What they unfortunately did not leave us with is institutions, which are the fabric of civil society, of law and order, of political management. Infrastructure at the end of the day is relatively easy to build, some money, raw materials and labourers and you have a road, or a dam.

It is institutionally that the colonial powers that be failed miserably, the vacuum left by the colonial countries leaving have been filled either by the political panderers as in the case of Sri Lanka or rebels who have little idea of mature governance as in the vast majority of African countries that had to fight for their independence. Institutions and mature governance do not spring into being overnight, anyone who thinks America has been the (flawed) democracy it is now for the last couple of hundred years is a fool (just google George Bush). The Constitution may have been signed into being in 1787 but that was not democracy. A true democracy is a country where everyone is equal and has an equal say in the country’s governance. The US wasn’t even close until recently, don’t forget segregation was a reality until only around 40 years ago. The US is still a scarily racist country, just look at what happened in Jenna. 

Similarly the Magna Carta may have been signed in 1215 but England was far from a democracy until recently. What people don’t seem to understand is that democracy is a process, an evolution. Some countries such as England and the US have had a hundred years in which to develop the institutions to uphold law and order and ensure equality for all. And it is still very much in evolution.

After all look at how these countries treat their indigenous peoples. Those ‘bastions of democracy’ such as Canada, Australia and the US are the very countries that refused to sign the Indigenous People’s Rights Bill passed by the UN recently. Their reason – that the bill gave ‘excessive property and legal powers to indigenous peoples’  . These are the same countries that have for hundreds of years exploited and abused the indigenous people. So even in these ‘developed democracies’ the fight for equal rights is very much an ongoing process and indeed a battle.

Where does this leave our sunny isle? Well we’ve had almost 60 years of independence and we started off hobbled. We were handed leaders, the Bandaranayakes, Senananyakes and Jayawardenes who at their best were sycophants. A generation of leaders who knew the ins and outs of sucking up to whoever gave them benefits. Such a mindset was never going to provide us the political maturity and will to drag us forward, witness the infamous 1956 policy. Whatever gave them power they would do. And it is a rot that runs deep and will take time to prize out. A similar situation can be seen in some African countries such where leaders came who were essentially bush fighters and military commanders, ill-suited to the sheer responsibility of being a democratic leader. 

So what is the solution? The easy way out, the way of immaturity is to cry out for someone to take charge, for the colonials to take over again. For one thing this is flawed because the British were ever only interested in what they could take from us. This mindset is still present, aid is tied and nothing will be given to us if it means a real sacrifice on the part of the West. And that is why we must take responsibility; we have to fix the problem. We have to grow up and evolve, it may take a hundred years but it is a fight that we have to fight, not expect someone else to dictate to us. Never forget that in the Western countries that we look up to as ‘shining examples’ of democracy those institutions did not spring into being overnight. People, usually of minorities had to sacrifice had to die for what they have today and are still doing so.

Detractors will say that I sit comfortably in the West and talk about Sri Lanka not being a failed state. True and I will admit to that. But at the end of the day I am not here because I enjoy it, there is knowledge to be learnt and skills to be sharpened that just cannot be done in Sri Lanka. There is however a significant body of people, expatriates who mean to come back, to fight for what is ours with the skills we have to build our country. Yes they may run into the Malakas of Sri Lanka and get the shit kicked out of them but they will keep coming. At the same time every person who speaks up against the stupidity, the corruption and the fools who run our country is striking a blow for democracy as is every person who just comes back and carries out his/her job responsibly. It is literally one small step blogging about the idiots of today but a giant leap for the country (apologies to Neil) that people are willing to do this. Just look at the tremors that the Burmese junta is feeling with the protests and the publicity the bloggers are bringing to them.

Democracy has always and will always be an evolutionary process and Sri Lanka is evolving. Crying for the white man to come and make it better is foolish and will never happen. We alone are responsible for our country.

This is what the monkeys are going to look like after a few weeks of solititude on my desert island, well I hope at least (Saira Mohan, from here)

Apologies drac old boy, I have zero imagination when it comes to titles, but here is a breakdown of what I would pack if I was err….forced to be ‘exiled’ to a desert island. A fate which I would obviously rail against with all my heart…sigh… 

So there’s my choice. Now I’m going to go figure out how to in turn generate solar energy for my CD player using only a coconut frond and a monkey’s tail and ponder on whether there’s an outside chance Saira Mohan might come floating into my metaphorical lagoon. You know because coconuts aren’t that companiable. Unless of course one figures out how to convert them to arrack.

 P.S. I tag the following five peeps: Rastiadu, RD, Darwin & Spectral (who hopefully will give me some heads up on some new tunes) and Pissu (because I’ve always wanted to know what crazy people listen to).

Hmm…came across this quote and figured I’d memorialize it somewhere. I could email it to myself but then that would just get buried in the avalanche of crap that constitutes my email account.

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
–  President Calvin Coolidge 1932

 To be honest I rarely take a liking to quotes from American Presidents, what with "I didn’t inhale" and "Mission accomplished" being the more memorable of the recent ones, not to mention "I did not have sex with that woman" (just used her to cut my cigar) but…disgusting jokes aside I really like that quote. Never follow it of course, being the lazy bastard that I am, but I’ll show it to my kids someday. If I ever getting around to making any that is…

“What does it need then?’ Sunny asked. ‘This love?’
Hector stopped. They were in front of the tea shop. The glass door had a wrinkled lace curtain pinned to it. There was no one inside.
‘The right time. The right place. Luck.’
 - The Match, Romesh Gunasekara
 

For some reason that last line really resonated with me.

P.S. I’m reading it for the second time and loving it, expect me to babble on about it in some future post.

As usual, true to form. Clear my head, tie up the loose ends and forget and once it’s done and dusted, two weeks later…the phone shivers. It’s a bit of a random message but an invitation to a conversation. Frankly one does not text someone 10,000 miles away without it being an invitation for a conversation. Sigh…I had two options. 

1)      Ignore it

2)      Start a conversation

If it was email/facebook I would have no qualms with a conversation, it’s easy and simple. Text conversations are so much more labour intensive, especially early in the morning. The cost/benefit analysis just does not add up. I decide to take the middle path (the good Buddhist that I am). I craft one of those texts that start with a “hehe” and end with a smiley face but doesn’t really say anything in between. You know those ones that acknowledge you received the message but with no lead into a conversation. Press send and head to work. 

It’s just not worth it. And it seems to have worked, no response.

I still check my phone on and off though…a half hope…pointless hopes…

Sigh…I wish I had made a good habit of always archiving my photo’s in a logical manner after every shoot. I’ve been slaving away at trying to catalogue all of my pictures and back them up on DVD and it’s a never ending task, since everything is scattered all over the place on various DVD’s. 

At least this weekend should be a good one with the prospect of being alcohol soaked up in San Francisco. Oh yeah there’s also a Filipino festival occurring at the Civic Center, should be a good opportunity to get a bit more practice with my 70-200mm…wink…wink

Just a random aside, I wish I could take a break like this fella’

Taking a break in Singapore, the technical imperfections in this picture are just amazing. Way too much DoF and horrendous composition (of the original that is). Live and learn.

Have you ever felt like you’re losing it, just simply losing it? There’s this big, black, fathomless hole in front of you and slipping into it seems so tempting, giving everything up and giving up. It’s been that kind of a couple of weeks, the slog at work, the lack of normal people to hang out with, trying to hold onto something that I think I’ve already lost has all been adding up,. I’m not even sure that that’s even the problem, the problem is I can’t even put my finger on the problem but I guess it’s time to take control now. No more slipping but put out those arms and grab on. Chip my finger nails against the hard rock and try and get going in the right direction, take control. 

In other slightly less neurotic news I don’t have any official right to the nickname childof25, I still like it though and in true fashion will alternate randomly between N and childof25. I have to say it’s a bit tough being one year older and none the wiser and looking back on the last year it was one of ups and downs. A new city and a new job at the start, some new friends, losing a new friend to tragedy, R leaving to Australia, an unexpected trip to Sri Lanka, the realization that feelings aren’t that easily put past you, back to suburban hell, even more trouble putting the past behind me, a new job and currently a slight trip on the insane, dark side.

I’m sincerely hoping that the next year will be more even, but then I’ve already had a bit of a bombshell dropped on me that if not handled judiciously could have some shitty repercussions. Maybe stability, comfort are things that don’t exist, maybe this state of flux and confusion is something normal and I just haven’t learnt to deal with it yet. I guess I’ll find out.

Nip slip courtesy of Picasso, alternatively a good reason not to go to the beach in Spain

There I was sitting in a Korean BBQ restaurant waiting for what I sincerely hoped was not the neighborhood pooch and instead some deliciously marinated beef to broil when I glanced at the wide screen the proprietors had so thoughtfully left to keep diners occupied. Important I guess because as good as Korean BBQ’s are to eat, some of them are a bit labour intensive, I personally am not so keen on paying through my nose to grill my own food. For the price of some of the places I would expect nubile Asian girls in bikinis to be grilling my food for me, but this was a lunch special so I had to do with the big screen. 

And what was on the big screen was intriguing, it appeared to be a beach around noon time with the sun blindingly overhead and a Korean (I’m assuming) couple disported themselves by running after each other on said beach. Obviously a timeless scene, I’m sure early man ran after his womenfolk on the beach, clubbed them over the head and took them back to their caves while grinning inanely at them. For some reason whenever I think of a couple running on the beach I think South Asian cinema, Indian, Sri Lankan, etc., but I dare say I have seen a few white people do it as well. 

As I watched the couple ambling along after each in the spray, still grinning inanely at each other I came to the sad realization that perhaps I am not after all that romantic. See if it was me, I’d take the girl, wander over to a coconut tree (check that said tree had no vertically inclined coconuts), pour myself a drink (Reserve) and settle down with her to watch the sun set. Why when you can do such a rewarding activity one would want to waltz around in the sand, surf and blinding sun I know not. Either I’m lazy or as romantic as a washed up jellyfish…or maybe both.

Yes random I know…