Have you ever felt like you’re losing it, just simply losing it? There’s this big, black, fathomless hole in front of you and slipping into it seems so tempting, giving everything up and giving up. It’s been that kind of a couple of weeks, the slog at work, the lack of normal people to hang out with, trying to hold onto something that I think I’ve already lost has all been adding up,. I’m not even sure that that’s even the problem, the problem is I can’t even put my finger on the problem but I guess it’s time to take control now. No more slipping but put out those arms and grab on. Chip my finger nails against the hard rock and try and get going in the right direction, take control. 

In other slightly less neurotic news I don’t have any official right to the nickname childof25, I still like it though and in true fashion will alternate randomly between N and childof25. I have to say it’s a bit tough being one year older and none the wiser and looking back on the last year it was one of ups and downs. A new city and a new job at the start, some new friends, losing a new friend to tragedy, R leaving to Australia, an unexpected trip to Sri Lanka, the realization that feelings aren’t that easily put past you, back to suburban hell, even more trouble putting the past behind me, a new job and currently a slight trip on the insane, dark side.

I’m sincerely hoping that the next year will be more even, but then I’ve already had a bit of a bombshell dropped on me that if not handled judiciously could have some shitty repercussions. Maybe stability, comfort are things that don’t exist, maybe this state of flux and confusion is something normal and I just haven’t learnt to deal with it yet. I guess I’ll find out.