Are you alright sweetheart?

Are you ok sweetheart? 

I look around, above and below me. Yep the fat old lady’s talking to me…sigh…initially I was concerned. I’m not exactly the spiffiest person when bumming around town but I didn’t think I looked near death or anything that dramatic. It was then that I saw she had a Macy’s tag and realized this was her own unique form of customer service. I’m not a big fan of endearments, even from family members and having some random bag call me sweetheart did initially send shivers down my spine. I bit back the urge to blurt “I have short legs and a large ass, where’s your genetics department? I want a refund!” and just smiled and went my way.

I absolutely hate shopping, unless it’s for electronics. The one thing that really rankles me is salespeople eternally asking me whether I have everything I need, is everything in order…blah, blah, blah. The first couple of times it’s ok but after the zillionth time my smile starts to hurt and I have to hold back the urge to pull out a baseball bat and go postal on everyone within a 10 meter radius. Also it makes me very guilty to walk out of a store without buying anything. 

This lady took the cake though, every time I did a circuit of the store trying to find a pair of pants that fit she kept asking me if I was ok. There are only so many sickly sweet smiles I can force out per day.

As I pulled out of the parking lot at the mall believe it or not, there she was again. Our eyes met, she smiled her sweet old smile and I did what any sane person would do… 

I ran her over.

Disclaimer: obviously I did no such thing, I just feel with the way things are going these days with freedom of speech, etc a disclaimer is necessary.