Now before people get on my ass about the political incorrectness of bitching about PMS lets just say I have some experience in the matter. I once in a fit of foolishness lived with a girlfriend for a year, I was young and foolish at the time and to add to the foolishness we shared our flat with four other girls. Once a month I had to pretty much hide under the covers to avoid getting hit by the flying cutlery that accompanied the various tantrums.

Anyways PMS is the only reason I can think for a very odd experience last night, in fact one of the oddest nightclub experiences in my life. The Brit and A headed into town to hang out with ol’ R and I. The four of us hit our regular watering hole, Voda and proceeded to drink up a storm. R as usual sat at the bar, while I wandered around chatting to random people entreating them variously to help save the planet or come to Voda more often. The Brit and A apparently had had a quite intriguing discussion about virginity that for the benefit of all should not be repeated here. At one point my head started spinning, the result of not having eaten anything since lunch and probably a lack of oxygen from talking too much. There was unfortunately nowhere to sit near the bar but I did spy an open space on a couch where we had already left our coats. The plus point of my proposed resting place was that there were around four girls sitting there, who I could waste further oxygen on.

I wandered over to the spot sprightly, if a bit meanderingly and readied my but for a little rest, but before I could slide my posterior up onto the sofa one of the girls wandered over and mentioned that one of her ‘girlfriends’ was sitting there, it being a club and me being a bit drunk she has to say it a couple of times before I got it. I simply shrugged my shoulders, gave a goofy grin and turned to go find another seat. The girl then proceeded to grab me by the shoulders, say something along the lines of ‘get moving buddy’ and pushed me. To say I was surprised was the understatement of the year but it’s a girl and I was moving along anyways, so, another shrug, glance backward for askance and I left.

This is where the story gets much juicier and also very confusing. I was under the impression we were leaving for another venue and told R to go get his coat and marshal the troops. R contends that we were not in fact leaving but the Brit simply got tired of wearing his and went to put his down where ours already were. The Crazy Chick proceeded to tell the Brit to go shag himself and that he was not putting his coat down, him being a very chilled out individual shrugged, demurred gracefully, accepted the inevitable and pointed out that she really shouldn’t go around with an attitude like that. Crazy Chick then proceeded to go apeshit on R, demanding he take his coat and put it where the sun don’t shine, despite the fact our coats were there first, she actually went so far as to push R, drop A’s coat on the floor and went out to call the bouncer. I was watching this go down from the bar with mild interest before I got distracted by a Latin looking beauty with big eyes.

A few minutes later the situation seemed to have calmed down, the dynamic trio returned to the bar shaking their heads at the craziness of some people. I then wandered off to fetch my coat and as I picked it up, Crazy grabbed it out of my hand. Now as I said before I am a very chilled out individual and instead of asking her what in the name of fuck she thought she was doing, I simply looked at her, took back my jacket and started wandering off. B the bouncer then came in, observed me taking the jacket from the Crazy Chick and inquired from me what in tarnation was going on. My explanation was simple; we went to get jackets, Crazy Bird who had obviously in the meantime pissed around the couch to mark her territory got, well, territorial. B and I shrugged, had a good laugh and the owner, another mate of ours came over, apologized, put our coats behind the bar and gave us a round of shots. Crazy Chick and her posse were not happy that we weren’t kicked out and she came up to the other side of the bar and proceeded to give me gal looks. I being me, took great pleasure in giving her my goofy smile back, which I think annoyed her to the point where they all left.

Now I’ve met a lot of insane people in my life but Crazy Chick from last night took the cake, never have I met someone who was obviously so far on the Richter scale of looniness and I’ll be darned if I have an explanation. R thinks it’s because the club was full and the crowd was having a good time, but no-one was chatting to the posse in the corner, not unsurprisingly considering their, as the Brit pointed out ‘winning personalities’. I’m personally torn between two explanations, one is that they were all underage, probably the first time clubbing and were just on an attitude trip. My personal favourite theory is that Crazy Chick was suffering from the mother of all PMS’s which had caused her already tenuous grip on sanity to suffer even more. As the Brit so eloquently said, that girls gonna make someone a very ‘lucky’ man someday. Poor bugger.