“Allez les bleus!”

“Forza Italia!”

Yes I’m fickle, but then that’s the advantage of watching sports that your country doesn’t participate in (well in any meaningful manner that is). The initial non-event penalty pissed me off to the point where I switched from a French supporter to an Italian one. After italy scored again I kinda kicked around on the fence cheering on all the plays and bemoaning the near misses, especially Zidane’s last gasp header and Toni’s off-side goal.

But fuck me senseless if Zidane’s headbut doesn’t rank up there as one of stupidest thing I have ever seen in my life. As a retiring player whose swansong was a world cup final driving his Gaelic head into Materazzi’s chest was inexcusable even if the latter had said something along the lines of “I’m so fat because everytime I fuck your mother she feeds me a biscuit.” If you have no idea what I’m on about check it out here.

It must have been an incredibly lonely walk for him out of the stadium and out of football when the alternative could have been blinding glory. All credit to the Italians though and witnessing their high on winning the cup was heartening and they were incredibly hilarious on the podium doing only what can be described as fondling the cup. A bittersweet end to the World Cup for sure, more sweet if one is Cannavaro and more bitter if one is Trezeguet.

More on the subject of unsportsmanlike behaviour was brought up when the subject of the Tri-Nations came up. Checking the BBC Sports webpage I came across a funny story about Jerry Collins taking a whiz on the pitch before a game. In the midst of laughuing about this PKS inquired as to whether we had heard about the player who got kicked out of rugby for sticking his fingers up players’ arses in matches…

Silence ensues…and the god of Google is invoked. What turns up is a website titled “Proctological Rugby” describing how Australian Rugby League international John Hopoate was suspended for twelve weeks for “unsportsmanlike interference” which was what was used to describe his misdemenaour of sticking his finger up three player’s arses during a game in 2001. The methodology employed by this medically inclined rugby player is illustrated below.

 

So mate do you pee two  or three times a night? incontinence? dribble after you urinate? …No? Let me make sure anyways, this might sting a bit!

Now I’ve heard of wedgies, biting, hitting in the scrum, etc being employed in rugby, in fact one of my most vivid memories of my brief rugby career for school was during a maul when I saw with blinding clarity and terror a disembodied hand reach up from between my legs and encase my nads in an iron grip. My immediate reactions were to release the ball and swing my elbows are hard as possible hoping to hit the offending person as hard as possible. In that vein I’m quite surprised that Hopoate escaped that game without serious injury. If I felt a burning sensation in my rear end during a rugby match and looked down to see someone attempting to check my prostrate my reaction would not be a pacifist one.

My favourite quote from the article: "If I held your leg, would that give you the right to put your finger up my arse?"